So there are only 2 more days in the year 2011! It's always such an exciting time. It's like you have permission to officially restart your life. A new year somehow makes you feel less like a failure when the old one ends. I am looking forward to something different. I would like to live each day of 2012 like its a new start to my life; because it truly is. Any day that I get to wake up is a new start that God has so graciously granted me. I need to remember that and enjoy my life warts and all. If I truly believe that God is in control, (and I do); I have to realize that resistance is futile. I am going back to being my laid back self, just letting life do what it's going to do and being grateful for everything that comes. I will no longer allow others to ruffle my feathers or put undo stress on me. SMH Enough already I'm getting of the gerbil's wheel; first because I'm exhausted and second because I don't even have a wheel people keep pulling me onto theirs. Just say no Aiisha, just say no! I am free, free to be whoever God has purposed me to be. No longer will I fight and struggle to find that person. I will allow my footsteps to lead me on this faith walk called my life. I will not allow the opinions of others to convince me that I am more flawed than the next person. As I learn more about the God that I serve I learn more about myself. Loving HIM says that I love ME as I am. If I have learned anything about people it is that you can introduce new information or thoughts to them but you can't force them to live in your personal truth. I will live in the truth that God reveals to me looking forward to growth that HE alone can supply.
Doing things differently in 2012!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Epiphany #31
So I woke up this morning with my spirits high. I'm trying to maintain that as a daily plan of action. I want to get back to the place of peace I was once in. I'm really trying to keep my stress levels to a minimum. I find that as I try to pull out of the mainstream people tend to think I'm being influenced by others. What others?? I'm home alone with the Lord and my cats all day. I have been out of work for over a year now and I've decided that God has a really big plan for my life that I have somehow missed. Or perhaps I haven't missed it at all. I have taken the time to really try to take care of me this year. I've started to eat better, exercise and even seek medical care these are things I just didn't have time for any of these things when I was working. I feel better physically than I have in a long while. I've begun to write again not only in this blog either. I still have to find the inner strength to really tackle this clutter it's the last thing that seems to be hanging over me like a dark stormy cloud smh.
I really wish that people could really accept others as they are. As long as how they think, live and feel don't invade or ruin anything around them what's wrong with who they are. I am soooo satisfied with who I am, how I think and how I do things. Do I still have room to grow? Absolutely! Am I in a rush to get there? Nope. Life is to be enjoyed and I just don't enjoy life when I'm rushing around trying to prove or explain myself to others. Why does it bother people that I'm so laid back???? I don't get super excited about a lot somehow that gives people the impression that I need to be motivated. I find this interesting considering how much I get done. I am so not in a rush to fit it all in whatever "it" is. I'm not that inquisitive I don't have a need to know how everything works or how it came to be. I also do not knock those people who have a need to know those things. God created us all according to what His pleasure, need or desire was. How incredibly boring this earth would be if everyone was the same. I am annoyed with someone else's need to change people according to there own ideas of excellence. Such shallow narrow minded thinking, funny thing is these need to know folks don't seem to want to find out why I am the way I am. I guess they are just too busy trying to make me "better" or more like them. It's really a shame because I really am pretty great and happy with sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away. Again, why is this a bad way to live and/or think? Now don't get me wrong I think we can all learn from each other and I do. I have learned about what makes people do the things they do and sometimes I even think how it might be kinda cool to do some of the things they're doing. (I've even tried somethings, usually not for me.) Seems like I've spent a lot of time defending who I am. I have had a youthful face so it's made it quite difficult to convince folks that I know what I'm talking about. I think that age means a lot to folks and they tend not to give a thought to youthful thinking. I believe everyone has something great to offer at every age. What make anyone think another person has not taken the time to think about themselves? I have lots of questions today. My Mom raised us to be free thinkers and never made us feel as though we weren't able to make things happen. We were taught right and wrong and how to treat one another. Our thoughts were validated. If you have to tear someone down to build them up you are doing too much!!!
I really wish that people could really accept others as they are. As long as how they think, live and feel don't invade or ruin anything around them what's wrong with who they are. I am soooo satisfied with who I am, how I think and how I do things. Do I still have room to grow? Absolutely! Am I in a rush to get there? Nope. Life is to be enjoyed and I just don't enjoy life when I'm rushing around trying to prove or explain myself to others. Why does it bother people that I'm so laid back???? I don't get super excited about a lot somehow that gives people the impression that I need to be motivated. I find this interesting considering how much I get done. I am so not in a rush to fit it all in whatever "it" is. I'm not that inquisitive I don't have a need to know how everything works or how it came to be. I also do not knock those people who have a need to know those things. God created us all according to what His pleasure, need or desire was. How incredibly boring this earth would be if everyone was the same. I am annoyed with someone else's need to change people according to there own ideas of excellence. Such shallow narrow minded thinking, funny thing is these need to know folks don't seem to want to find out why I am the way I am. I guess they are just too busy trying to make me "better" or more like them. It's really a shame because I really am pretty great and happy with sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away. Again, why is this a bad way to live and/or think? Now don't get me wrong I think we can all learn from each other and I do. I have learned about what makes people do the things they do and sometimes I even think how it might be kinda cool to do some of the things they're doing. (I've even tried somethings, usually not for me.) Seems like I've spent a lot of time defending who I am. I have had a youthful face so it's made it quite difficult to convince folks that I know what I'm talking about. I think that age means a lot to folks and they tend not to give a thought to youthful thinking. I believe everyone has something great to offer at every age. What make anyone think another person has not taken the time to think about themselves? I have lots of questions today. My Mom raised us to be free thinkers and never made us feel as though we weren't able to make things happen. We were taught right and wrong and how to treat one another. Our thoughts were validated. If you have to tear someone down to build them up you are doing too much!!!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Epiphany #30
So I'm trying to write more often it's not that I don't have plenty to say. More like I don't type as fast as my thoughts. I think I'll just ramble on day by day until I hit on something interesting. Oh here's something! So I'm on a new team at church and we've been given an assignment that involves reading/studying to become an effective leader. I'd like to be excited about it yet I find it difficult because when working with a lot of personalities the cause can become clouded. I believe that when you come onto a new project you have to be open minded if you come into it with your own personal agenda it is no longer a "team" effort. It becomes "my" project with my workers creating my vision. Which is usually what happens in a church setting. I think that everyone has at least one good idea and each person should have that one idea heard and if not used in this project recorded and implemented in another.
Off topic: I find that people take silence as a lack of confidence or fortitude. I find that when you observe you learn a lot. When you take you time to make decisions you tend not to have to make them more than once. You also expend less energy. Why is it that people like you "but" they want you to be more like them? I don't have a problem with my personality because I spend time with myself and work on the things that "I" would like to improve upon. NEWSFLASH!! We are not all supposed to be the same...BORING!!
Back to topic: On a team each member is given something to focus on and as they focus on their part they can be pulled in to help another member. I was a power forward on my high school and college teams. I could not win without my team no matter how hard I tried. When the point guard moved up so did I to cover that spot still having my eye on the ball (project goal) and my position at all times. Once every person on the team knows what their position on the team is and what's expected things tend to go smoothly. We'll see I'll keep you posted...
Off topic: I find that people take silence as a lack of confidence or fortitude. I find that when you observe you learn a lot. When you take you time to make decisions you tend not to have to make them more than once. You also expend less energy. Why is it that people like you "but" they want you to be more like them? I don't have a problem with my personality because I spend time with myself and work on the things that "I" would like to improve upon. NEWSFLASH!! We are not all supposed to be the same...BORING!!
Back to topic: On a team each member is given something to focus on and as they focus on their part they can be pulled in to help another member. I was a power forward on my high school and college teams. I could not win without my team no matter how hard I tried. When the point guard moved up so did I to cover that spot still having my eye on the ball (project goal) and my position at all times. Once every person on the team knows what their position on the team is and what's expected things tend to go smoothly. We'll see I'll keep you posted...
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